Selfishness and all it's ugliness

So the other day I went back and reread previous posted blogs and I wasn't happy with them at all. I've been thinking a lot about the person I "use" to be and thought to myself

"Man I use to be a selfish person." Then I took a long deep breath and I heard a tiny whisper say
"You've got a long way to go, you're still that person." Ouch right!!

It's in the dark, when we can finally see.
In the silence, when we can finally hear.

I've made the quote I'm NOT perfect my life's motto, I say it time and time again. Yet I've been using it as an excuse to not live life as the daughter of Christ I was created to be. Yet alone, as an excuse to not live up to my potential and to not be the best version of "Tina" I know I can be.

Writing that, reading it aloud back to myself. It's a slap in the face, a kind of wake up call you could say. And I'd say I must've really needed it!

It's funny how God's timing works. I actually started writing this a few mornings ago but felt like I needed to stop and come back to it. With that said, on to the next part of this wake up call. This has to do with my business.

So the other night I signed up for a newsletter from one of my favorite places to get Photoshop actions. Well because I signed up I got a free gift. The gift was a business break down. I'm sure that's not the actual name, but I'm not sure what it's called. So basically it was a workflow that went something like this.

- Business expenses ( examples: website, marketing, equipment, cell phone, studio, gas, etc. ) 
- Minimum amount of sessions I want to do a month.
- Time Per Session ( examples: consultation, shoot time, editing time, driving, etc. )
- How much do I want to make an hour.

So it was a lot of add these, multiply these, subtract, yada yada. Well once all the numbers were crunched I learned I was way under pricing myself. Which is why I'm not producing the income I want/need to be monthly. Nathan and I started talking and I was expressing to him about how I felt total anxiety at the thought of upping my prices so high and potentially losing clients.

Then he says. "Well babe, I knew you wouldn't be happy with the results. For some reason you don't think you're worth charging that much."

Another cut.... (Not that he was wanting or trying to cut me down. It's really the truth. I'm just emotional!! )

So then I decided I was going to post in our photography group. I'm a part of such an awesome group who is so supportive of each other. It's not about seeing each other as competition in this group. Anyways so I posted what I had do and that I learned I was undercutting, yet the thought of raising my prices was stressing me out.

My friend Danny ( also a photographer ) commented and said the following.

"My intention isn't to be mean, but your undercutting all of us. I've seen your adds, with prices like yours, the public thinks that we all should be where your at."

FINAL CUT!!

I of course went into defense/emotional break down mode! My reply was filled with "poor me" I pretty much said I'm sorry to everyone. I've never wanted to be seen as that "photographer" who undercuts everyone. But now knowing that's how I'm viewed sucks! I don't feel like I can charge so much because I'm not as experienced as everyone else. 

Other people started commenting (not as blunt as Danny ) Most were actually expressing how awesome I was and how proud they were for me for doing that little exercise, that more people in the business need to do it, etc etc. 

I then had my slap in the face moment hit me. 

A little voice whispered. "Read all of that again, with an open mind and open heart."

I actually re-read the comments several times. Danny's comment mostly. Allowing them to really soak in and then it hit me. I'm NOT being attacked! Danny is NOT putting you down! 

Failing is apart of growing. I'm NOT perfect comes back into play here. It's not like I was going to start my business with ever detail planned perfectly. No...I will fail. I will lose clients, I will gain clients, I will find things I love to use, things I don't. But more importantly I can and will succeed if I put my worries and insecurities at God's feet and stop letting my fear of the what if's rule my life and my business. 

Now this could've went the other way and I could've soaked in my selfishness and been all down and emo because "they're all being mean to me". But because I stopped and listened to that little whisper, the outcome was so much better. I actually stayed up most of the night going over my business breakdown, and making new prices. Danny had messaged me and apologized for upsetting me. He said he thought it would've been better if he said it instead of someone I wasn't as familiar with. He was right too. Then he was kind enough to give me pointers and go over my new pricing and packages with me. 

So like I said at the beginning of this post. I am a selfish person. But because I am Blessed and highly favored by the good Lord Himself. I can and I will be able to change. I might have to take baby steps, but I'll get there.  I'm so thankful for His love and guidance in my life. I'm also thankful for such great family, friends (photographer friends and no photographer friends). I will keep you updated on this crazy thing called life! 

Have a Blessed day! 

xoxo