Well since it's been almost a year since I've wrote on this blog, I think it's a great time to start this back up.
It's been so long and so much as happened since I've last blogged. So we'll go back to where we left off!
The first couple of months were ok, I left my job at the Y. I was going to start taking care of my mother, but she went back into the hospital not long after she got out of the hospital. So I started watching a couple of kids out of my house. Talk about a chore. LOL
Also in February, I had the opportunity to go down to Texas and meet not only my biological father, but some of his side of the family. All with my amazing husband there by my side like always.
Lets see...around April/May our roomates/friends moved out, and we moved to a smaller house still in Carthage. When we thought we were taking a step forward I think we actually took a step back. We eventually quit going to the business meetings.
Throughout this time my mom was in and out of the hospital. We celebrated our 2 year anniversary. I can't believe it's been 2 years!!
My oldest sister Ashley moved in with us at the end of June. I love my sister, but we were never meant to live with each other. No let me change that statement, I shouldn't live with any of my siblings. I try to mother them too much. LOL
Throughout this time, my babysitting ended, because the lady I was working for closed her restaurant because she was pregnant and due soon. I then got a job working for an in home health place. I instantly fell in love with it, and I was great at it.
After about a month or so working for the company I got to regular clients working Monday-Friday 10am -10pm! Long shift so I was glad to have the weekends with Nathan. I loved the two clients I worked for, they were the sweetest ladies ever!
During this period my mother and I's relationship took a dip down. We got in an argument because she thought I didn't care that she was alone in the nursing home all the time. When really I worked so much it was hard to come see her other than the planned Saturdays. But then every Saturday we were together, we fought. So eventually I just quit going to see her on Saturdays.
In September I got sick, because I worked so much I couldn't go to the dr during the week, so I went to urgent care one Saturday. Turns out I had a really bad UTI. They gave me antibiotics. That Monday I woke up in so much pain, I went to my first clients house. Then had to call in because I just wasn't going to be able to make it all day in this much pain. I went home, and went to sleep. I woke up at 10:30pm, and sent my boss a text saying I wasn't going to be able to work the next day. No answer, when I woke up the next day I had a couple missed calls and a voicemail asking where I was. I tried to call no answer, no answer to my email I sent either. I went to check my schudele and they had taken me off it for the rest of the week! The next day I got a call, not for the owner but her RN saying oh it was a miss understanding, we'd like you to come back in to get re-instated. After consulting with Nathan, I decided I did not want to work for a company like that so I did not take their offer to get re-instated.
In the couple of days starting September my mom got out of Joplin Health and Rehab and got to go home. Her and Dilyan had a house in Joplin that Kayla found them. She was going home with hospice and on roxanol, but she was going home to live out whatever time she had left. On
September 18th, I got a call from my younger sister Kayla. She said Ashely and I needed to come see mom because hospice didn't think she had much time left. That next day Ashley took off work and we went over to see mom. She looked bad, so swollen. Her eyes were empty looking, like she wasn't even there anymore. She couldn't stay awake long to visit us. It was always hard to see her so sick, but seeing her like that was just horrible! Us kids, went in one at a time to tell mom how much we loved her and that if she was ready we excepted that she wanted to go HOME. My aunt Kathy came down from Kansas City to assess the situation to see if my grandparents who aren't in good health needed to make the trip. She said they needed to get down within the weekend because she didnt' think mom had even two weeks. My grandparents were suppose to come in Friday.
When I went in I took her hand, she was so warm and so sowllen. She wasn't awake for most of our converstation. But when she did open her eyes and look at me I only said the one thing I felt I needed clairification on. I looked in her eyes and said "MOM I love you so much, I've always loved you. You know I love you right?" She looked right back at me, smiled and mouthed the word yes! I have to hold on to that because today the devil tries to steal it from me.
Thursday the 20th, I went over to see mom. She was all bright eyed and bushy tailed. A complete 360 from a couple days before when I had seen her. She wanted me to stay with her, but I had to go back and pick up Nathan from his surgery. Before I left she was arguing with Dilyan and I because she wanted to go soak in the tub and we wouldn't let her. Right before I left she held her arm out and moved her hand in a grabbing motion. I said what, she just said "I want to feel your butt!" She always loved everyone else but her own. LOL So I went over and let her touch my butt. That afternoon/evening my aunt Kathy was coming back down to sit and watch mom while Dilyan went out and just hung with friends. He needed a break!
Friday September 21st, not only did one of my clients pass away. But we lost mom too. I couldn't sleep, that morning around 4am, Ashley and I were taking my car to Joplin to the auto shop. One the way I got the call that my client had passed away. I let Ashley know she wouldn't be going to work today. (She worked for her as well.) We went to the nursing home where she went and waited for her daughter to get there to say one last goodbye. We went home and were both going back to bed. To this day, I don't know why I did it but I put my phone on silent. I would always say I never put my phone on silent because something bad could happen and I wouldn't know.
I don't know what time it was, but I woke up because Nathan was being loud. I heard my phone vibrating. It was my Aunt Kathy, I was confused as to why she'd be calling me. I answered it still half asleep and she said "Tina, what's going on, Dilyan said your mom's gone." I remember saying "What?!?" I told her I didn't know what was going on but I would find out and let her know. I called Dilyan, mom had passed away sometime that morning between 6 and 8am. I was trying to get Ashley to wake up and she wouldn't so I had to just yell "Ashley get up, moms dead, she's gone." She jumped up. I feel bad I had to let her know that way.
The drive over, I kept trying to find my emotions but I just felt numb. When we got there Kayla and Dilyan were there Kayla was so heartbroken, Dilyan was in a state of shock I think. Hell to this day, I think he's still in a state of shock. But we all went in to see moms body. I always thought I was prepared for that day, yet I wasn't. I felt an instant shift into anchor mode. I held Kayla a while why she cried. I tried to allow Dilyan to have his break down time, but he was so strong. Ashely is a different type, she just needed to do her. We had to wait for my grandparents to arrive from Kansas City before the body could be moved.
Finally in between 4pm and 5pm the mortuary came and got mom. Kayla, Ashley, and I went over to make the funeral arrangements. Talk about hard things to do as a young adult/kid!! Over the next couple of days we worked on plans for moms funeral. It was going to be Tuesday so we had a lot to do to, I had a lot to do to make sure it was perfect enough for what she deserved. I don't remember much of those days. I know at some point, us kids got together to make picture boards, we tried to go shopping for the perfect outfit for her funeral, Ashley and I got in a fight over music Kayla and I selected. Monday we went and dug the whole mom was going to be buried in. I had such a hard time sleeping that night.
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