So I was talking to my amazing husband over the weekend and he was talking about how he helped my little brother Dilyan make a 1 year plan. They wrote it out in detail. He said writing it out would help more than just saying it because he can look at it and add to it and what not. So I've decided that I want to make myself a one year plan!! Here is a list of things I want or want to happen by October 30th, 2013!!
1. I want to have a baby, boy or girl will do! We are shooting for being pregnant by either this Thanksgiving or this Christmas. No later than Jan 1st!
2. I want to be down in weight to be able to wear my Apt 9 jeans and my sevens! I'm so close, I know I can do it!
3. I want a second camera, I'm thinking a NikonD5100!!
4. I also want 70-300 lens on my amazon wish list!
5. I want to be out of debt!
6. I want to be in our own house that we're buying or be looking into buying one. By Jan 2014 I want to have my own house. I know I'm suppose to be working on a 1 year plan, but lets be honest. If we're serious about having a baby, that will cost a big chunk of money!
7. I want our Amway business to be booming!
8. I want Nathan to have found an IT job somewhere so we can get him out of Lazboy!
9. I want to be working towards a second child. Crazy it sounds I know. But if we really want 8 kids, we better get the ball rolling!!
10. I want to have plans set up to take vacation in Destin FL!
Those are just some of my goals/dreams for my 1 year plan. I will most likely come back several times and revise this list! LOL Hope everyone has a happy Tuesday!
Much <3
T
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Monday, October 29, 2012
Friday, Friday - S-A-T-U-R-DAY - Sunday Fun Day!!
My weekend was great! We took a little mini vacation up to Kansas City.
We left Friday around 1pm, went and picked up my little sister Kayla, then hit the road! Whenever we go to KC my grandma almost always lets us go shopping at Khols! So that's what we did after we hung out and caught up for a little while. I got 2 new pairs of jeans from the petite section and they are the best things ever!! I've never shopped in the petite section before but I'm going to start now! Nathan got a pair of jeans and a really amazing blazer that was originally $200, but after all our coupons it was $60! Kayla got a pair of jeans, 3 shirts, and a hoodie. Lets just say she did a little catching up on her shopping since she hadn't been up in forever!! LOL Then we met the rest of the family at Freddy T's. Which I think is now a tradition seeing as ever time we go up we eat there there first night. We got to see aunt Mary, and Kathy, Jim, Carolyn, and her new boy friend Patrick. We had a great dinner, Kayla and I played two games of pool, which might I add, I totally beat her on both!
Saturday I slept in till 10:30. Got up ate breakfast, showered, then we went and got lunch at 5 guys burgers and fires!! Amazing place to eat might I add! Then we went and saw Kayla and Dilyan's older brother Josh. Spent about an hour over there, then headed out to Worlds Of Fun! It was really cold, but we had a good time. We stopped for taco bell after the park, then got lost on the way back. But hey it was an adventure. We all slept like babies that night.
Sunday slept really late, got up and hung out some more with grandma and grandpa. Talked about the plans for the up coming holidays, about vacation in May. Carolyn and Patrick came over to see us one last time. Then we packed up and head back home. After we dropped Kayla off, Nathan and I went over to see Dilyan. Lets just say we left very angry. Not at Dilyan but at other things and people. Came home, I cooked beef fajitas and we ate and watched The Walking Dead. Which might I add is getting very interesting this season. Then we cuddled in bed and had some baby making time!!
Overall it was a great weekend filled with lots of laughs, fun times spent with great people and of course a little drama. LOL I'm really getting the hang of this whole new schedule and today I woke up around 3:30. I was just too hot to sleep and though it's a lot earlier than I did last week, I really feel refreshed this morning. I made a list of everything I need to do today, I've already crossed like 4 things off it too! So anyways I hope everyone had a great weekend. If you read this feel free to comment and tell me about your weekend! =]
Much <3
T
We left Friday around 1pm, went and picked up my little sister Kayla, then hit the road! Whenever we go to KC my grandma almost always lets us go shopping at Khols! So that's what we did after we hung out and caught up for a little while. I got 2 new pairs of jeans from the petite section and they are the best things ever!! I've never shopped in the petite section before but I'm going to start now! Nathan got a pair of jeans and a really amazing blazer that was originally $200, but after all our coupons it was $60! Kayla got a pair of jeans, 3 shirts, and a hoodie. Lets just say she did a little catching up on her shopping since she hadn't been up in forever!! LOL Then we met the rest of the family at Freddy T's. Which I think is now a tradition seeing as ever time we go up we eat there there first night. We got to see aunt Mary, and Kathy, Jim, Carolyn, and her new boy friend Patrick. We had a great dinner, Kayla and I played two games of pool, which might I add, I totally beat her on both!
Saturday I slept in till 10:30. Got up ate breakfast, showered, then we went and got lunch at 5 guys burgers and fires!! Amazing place to eat might I add! Then we went and saw Kayla and Dilyan's older brother Josh. Spent about an hour over there, then headed out to Worlds Of Fun! It was really cold, but we had a good time. We stopped for taco bell after the park, then got lost on the way back. But hey it was an adventure. We all slept like babies that night.
Sunday slept really late, got up and hung out some more with grandma and grandpa. Talked about the plans for the up coming holidays, about vacation in May. Carolyn and Patrick came over to see us one last time. Then we packed up and head back home. After we dropped Kayla off, Nathan and I went over to see Dilyan. Lets just say we left very angry. Not at Dilyan but at other things and people. Came home, I cooked beef fajitas and we ate and watched The Walking Dead. Which might I add is getting very interesting this season. Then we cuddled in bed and had some baby making time!!
Overall it was a great weekend filled with lots of laughs, fun times spent with great people and of course a little drama. LOL I'm really getting the hang of this whole new schedule and today I woke up around 3:30. I was just too hot to sleep and though it's a lot earlier than I did last week, I really feel refreshed this morning. I made a list of everything I need to do today, I've already crossed like 4 things off it too! So anyways I hope everyone had a great weekend. If you read this feel free to comment and tell me about your weekend! =]
Much <3
T
Thursday, October 25, 2012
A little off track today
Well yesterday I went over to my friend Kalaya's house to spend the night! We've been thinking about starting a cake making business and wanted to make a test cake. It took forever, because we didn't remember the part about having to let the homemade fondant chill overnight. LOL But overall the cake turned out great. I will post a picture at the end of this blog.
I got a little off on my schedule today because I didn't sleep well last night, but I still managed to wake up and do my routine and I did not take a nap. Well take that back, I took like a 20 minute power nap during my acupuncture appointment. Because once the needles are in, I have to just lay there and relax under this heat lamp. Talk about cozy!! LOL
Now speaking of acupuncture appointments! Today's session went good too, I'm a little more sore than last time, but thats to be expected. I didn't get any herbs today, so I'm hoping at next weeks appointment she'll know what my body needs. (fingers crossed!!)
I'm so excited for this weekend!! We are getting a mini vacation to one of our favorite places! My grandma and grandpa's in Overland Park KC!! We're gonna go to Worlds Of Fun on Saturday which should be super fun!! Then Sunday we're gonna hang out with one of Nathan's old friends from dance name Richie!
Anyways, all you prayer warriors that have been helping me pray for my brother Dilyan. He got out of jail today, he has a lot of fines and some community service he has to do. Then next Thursday he has to go back to Carthage court for sentencing. Hopefully he can get everything taken care of. He's just still a little kid inside that he doesn't know how to be an adult. When mom got sick we all had to grow up too early. I'm praying he can find help and stay out of trouble this time. Nathan went over there tonight around 5pm and still at 9pm is still not back. I text him earlier and he apologized for it being so late, but said Dilyan needed him. Which is great, because Dilyan really needs a positive male figure in his life. That's something he never had much of, because everyone would leave him. I'm so proud of my husband for taking him under his wing. Now lets pray with God's help Dilyan can over come this tough time!
But that is how my day went yesterday and today. I pray everyone has a great fun and safe weekend!
Much Love
xoxo
T
I got a little off on my schedule today because I didn't sleep well last night, but I still managed to wake up and do my routine and I did not take a nap. Well take that back, I took like a 20 minute power nap during my acupuncture appointment. Because once the needles are in, I have to just lay there and relax under this heat lamp. Talk about cozy!! LOL
Now speaking of acupuncture appointments! Today's session went good too, I'm a little more sore than last time, but thats to be expected. I didn't get any herbs today, so I'm hoping at next weeks appointment she'll know what my body needs. (fingers crossed!!)
I'm so excited for this weekend!! We are getting a mini vacation to one of our favorite places! My grandma and grandpa's in Overland Park KC!! We're gonna go to Worlds Of Fun on Saturday which should be super fun!! Then Sunday we're gonna hang out with one of Nathan's old friends from dance name Richie!
Anyways, all you prayer warriors that have been helping me pray for my brother Dilyan. He got out of jail today, he has a lot of fines and some community service he has to do. Then next Thursday he has to go back to Carthage court for sentencing. Hopefully he can get everything taken care of. He's just still a little kid inside that he doesn't know how to be an adult. When mom got sick we all had to grow up too early. I'm praying he can find help and stay out of trouble this time. Nathan went over there tonight around 5pm and still at 9pm is still not back. I text him earlier and he apologized for it being so late, but said Dilyan needed him. Which is great, because Dilyan really needs a positive male figure in his life. That's something he never had much of, because everyone would leave him. I'm so proud of my husband for taking him under his wing. Now lets pray with God's help Dilyan can over come this tough time!
But that is how my day went yesterday and today. I pray everyone has a great fun and safe weekend!
Much Love
xoxo
T
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| Our adorable cake!! |
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Turning the page to a new chapter
The last couple of days have been uneventful to say the least, Not that I'm complaining at all! It's nice sometimes to just take a step back from the craziness of life and just be still!
Monday, and Tuesday I did just that. I stayed home all day, even went as far as too reduce the amount of people I saw in the house. I stayed in the room all day and only saw Nathan these past two days. Not that I didn't want to see Roxann and them. Something new I've also done actually since Sunday was I started a new daily devotional and started praying each morning.
My relationship with God had slipped tremendously over the past maybe 6 months. But lucky for me, he is a gracious God and waited there beside me patiently until I figured it out and turned right back. Now I'm not saying our relationship is to the strong point it use to be, but I will get there. I think the steps I've taken so far are the start to get me exactly where I want to be. I always get so excited when I hear of Gods love, when he moves in my life, and when I realize I'm better when I have a relationship with him.
So the daily devo I'm doing is called Draw Near, 365 Guides to Greater Intimacy with God. I've been suffering with my moms death and I think all the sleeping I've been doing is a form of depression, so this week I've been waking up before 8am, and not allowing myself to take a nap during the day. It's actually been pretty easy, now with that said I know I will have days where I might fail, I pray I don't though. So when I wake up, I normally have to go pee. LOL so I do, then as part of my fertility plan I take my temperature. Then I read my devo, then I just sit and pray for anything and everything I can think of. My husband has even noticed and told me he was proud of me for how well I'm doing this week. Getting that positive encouragement is so good. I'm so excited for this new chapter in my life and I can't wait to see where God takes me.
With that said, if you read this and need prayer, leave a comment and I would be more than happy to pray for you!
Blessings
xoxo
T
Monday, and Tuesday I did just that. I stayed home all day, even went as far as too reduce the amount of people I saw in the house. I stayed in the room all day and only saw Nathan these past two days. Not that I didn't want to see Roxann and them. Something new I've also done actually since Sunday was I started a new daily devotional and started praying each morning.
My relationship with God had slipped tremendously over the past maybe 6 months. But lucky for me, he is a gracious God and waited there beside me patiently until I figured it out and turned right back. Now I'm not saying our relationship is to the strong point it use to be, but I will get there. I think the steps I've taken so far are the start to get me exactly where I want to be. I always get so excited when I hear of Gods love, when he moves in my life, and when I realize I'm better when I have a relationship with him.
So the daily devo I'm doing is called Draw Near, 365 Guides to Greater Intimacy with God. I've been suffering with my moms death and I think all the sleeping I've been doing is a form of depression, so this week I've been waking up before 8am, and not allowing myself to take a nap during the day. It's actually been pretty easy, now with that said I know I will have days where I might fail, I pray I don't though. So when I wake up, I normally have to go pee. LOL so I do, then as part of my fertility plan I take my temperature. Then I read my devo, then I just sit and pray for anything and everything I can think of. My husband has even noticed and told me he was proud of me for how well I'm doing this week. Getting that positive encouragement is so good. I'm so excited for this new chapter in my life and I can't wait to see where God takes me.
With that said, if you read this and need prayer, leave a comment and I would be more than happy to pray for you!
Blessings
xoxo
T
Monday, October 22, 2012
Good & Bad, Happy & Sad
Had an interesting weekend to say the least...
Friday, I had my very first acupuncture appointment. It went great. She said she thinks I'll need about 10 sessions. So 1 down, 9 to go. My next appointment is this Thursday. Friday morning, Nathan and I went to Ihop for some breakfast, then after my appointment we stopped at Panera, and he got me a large iced green tea!! That boy sure does spoil me!! =] We rented movies and just hung out the rest of the night.
Saturday we got up and went to Maple Leaf! One of my favorite times of the year!! We had a great time at the parade, went and walked around the square some. Then went and ate lunch with the in-laws and cousin. Then we went and watched the Marching Cobras, who never disappoint!! I was really sad to hear that Willie Arthur Smith had suffered a stroke, but glad he is doing better and is still able to help out as much as he can. I seriously love everything he's done to help the youth. He is definitely an inspiration. Those of you reading this, that have not read the background of how the Marching Cobras got started, you should. It's very inspirational! After we got done watching the Cobras, we went home. I took a nap and Nathan played computer games. Then we woke up, went and got more movies and hung out again.
Sunday was brought the bad day. Not only was I already feeling myself building up with sadness because Sunday was the 21st, marking a month of mom being gone. But I got woke up around 5am because Dilyan had been arrested, I had to go over to his house to get all the important stuff to make sure someone didn't go and steal it. Came back, had some breakfast, then Nathan went up to get more stuff from Dilyan's. When he got back, I left to go get Kayla so her and I could go put the wreath on moms grave.
On the way to the cemetery. We got a call from a family friend that some guy was threatening Dilyan because Dilyan's roommate owed this guy money. Well that's just not going to fly with two over protective sisters. So I called this guy and told him, his beef was with John so he needed to leave Dilyan out of it, and if he touched Dilyan I would find him and hurt him. Well he then proceeded to call me all kinds of names and said he was going to kill everyone that knew John until he got his $75. I hung up on him, he then called about 15 times leaving 10 different voicemails harassing and threatening me.
So after Kayla and I finished visiting mom we went to the Carthage police department. They sent us to Jasper County Jail because we were out of city limits when he called. After sitting there waiting for someone to come and talk to us for 40 minutes, I let the officer listen to all the voicemails and all he said he could do was call this guy and tell him to stop calling me! Seriously!! Good old law enforcements for ya there! They're never there when you need them, yet you have a freaking license plate light out and they pull you over and give you a freaking ticket!!
Needless to say, next time I won't be going to the police. Nathan was all worried, but I can handle myself. No one is going to hurt my family or talk about digging up my mother! That guy seriously picked the wrong day and wrong person to mess with!!
Other than that my weekend was good!
Much Love
T
Friday, I had my very first acupuncture appointment. It went great. She said she thinks I'll need about 10 sessions. So 1 down, 9 to go. My next appointment is this Thursday. Friday morning, Nathan and I went to Ihop for some breakfast, then after my appointment we stopped at Panera, and he got me a large iced green tea!! That boy sure does spoil me!! =] We rented movies and just hung out the rest of the night.
Saturday we got up and went to Maple Leaf! One of my favorite times of the year!! We had a great time at the parade, went and walked around the square some. Then went and ate lunch with the in-laws and cousin. Then we went and watched the Marching Cobras, who never disappoint!! I was really sad to hear that Willie Arthur Smith had suffered a stroke, but glad he is doing better and is still able to help out as much as he can. I seriously love everything he's done to help the youth. He is definitely an inspiration. Those of you reading this, that have not read the background of how the Marching Cobras got started, you should. It's very inspirational! After we got done watching the Cobras, we went home. I took a nap and Nathan played computer games. Then we woke up, went and got more movies and hung out again.
Sunday was brought the bad day. Not only was I already feeling myself building up with sadness because Sunday was the 21st, marking a month of mom being gone. But I got woke up around 5am because Dilyan had been arrested, I had to go over to his house to get all the important stuff to make sure someone didn't go and steal it. Came back, had some breakfast, then Nathan went up to get more stuff from Dilyan's. When he got back, I left to go get Kayla so her and I could go put the wreath on moms grave.
On the way to the cemetery. We got a call from a family friend that some guy was threatening Dilyan because Dilyan's roommate owed this guy money. Well that's just not going to fly with two over protective sisters. So I called this guy and told him, his beef was with John so he needed to leave Dilyan out of it, and if he touched Dilyan I would find him and hurt him. Well he then proceeded to call me all kinds of names and said he was going to kill everyone that knew John until he got his $75. I hung up on him, he then called about 15 times leaving 10 different voicemails harassing and threatening me.
So after Kayla and I finished visiting mom we went to the Carthage police department. They sent us to Jasper County Jail because we were out of city limits when he called. After sitting there waiting for someone to come and talk to us for 40 minutes, I let the officer listen to all the voicemails and all he said he could do was call this guy and tell him to stop calling me! Seriously!! Good old law enforcements for ya there! They're never there when you need them, yet you have a freaking license plate light out and they pull you over and give you a freaking ticket!!
Needless to say, next time I won't be going to the police. Nathan was all worried, but I can handle myself. No one is going to hurt my family or talk about digging up my mother! That guy seriously picked the wrong day and wrong person to mess with!!
Other than that my weekend was good!
Much Love
T
Friday, October 19, 2012
My heart today
It's 8:22am, I've been up for almost 3 hours now. I have trouble sleeping now days. It's a sad day as I like to call them. It seems like I have a sad day most Friday's, And in just two days it will be a month since mom left. I'm still struggling, still sad. I'm trying not to stress though.
Nathan and I have decided and both come to agree that we want to start "trying" to start a family. So that means no stressing for this baby maker!! We've tried before with no luck and the dr. said I have what's called pcos which is different than pcod!! But being the positive person I am, I speak against that. But since I really don't have periods, we're going to try acupuncture. We have a friend who tried it and that family has their second baby baking!! I'm also still trying to lose weight. I weighed myself yesterday for the first time since before we buried mom. I'm down 15 pounds from my original starting weight! That's exciting yes, because the less extra weight I have the healthier I will be.
I'm excited of the thought of having children, yet a little sad. Sad because my mom will miss out. But I know she will be looking down on her grandchildren protecting them and loving them from Heaven!
I ask anyone that reads this, please pray with Nathan and I as we start this journey. We're hoping to be pregnant by Christmas of this year!! =]
Many Blessings!
xoxo
T
Nathan and I have decided and both come to agree that we want to start "trying" to start a family. So that means no stressing for this baby maker!! We've tried before with no luck and the dr. said I have what's called pcos which is different than pcod!! But being the positive person I am, I speak against that. But since I really don't have periods, we're going to try acupuncture. We have a friend who tried it and that family has their second baby baking!! I'm also still trying to lose weight. I weighed myself yesterday for the first time since before we buried mom. I'm down 15 pounds from my original starting weight! That's exciting yes, because the less extra weight I have the healthier I will be.
I'm excited of the thought of having children, yet a little sad. Sad because my mom will miss out. But I know she will be looking down on her grandchildren protecting them and loving them from Heaven!
I ask anyone that reads this, please pray with Nathan and I as we start this journey. We're hoping to be pregnant by Christmas of this year!! =]
Many Blessings!
xoxo
T
Here Comes Goodbye...
Tuesday September 25th, 2012 was the start of a forever goodbye. Moms funeral was easier than I expected, but then again I'm the anchor, I couldn't allow a break down just yet. I made it through with minimal tears shed. The poem, I had aunt Kathy read got me. I knew it would. I was so surprised all us kids were able to get up and share a little bit of wonderful from moms life. I was so thankful for each and ever person who showed up in honor of her memory. I know she was looking down with a smile on that day. After the funeral we went to the cemetery where we buried some of her ashes, notes, and a Pepsi can ( her favorite drink)!
The days to come would bring Ashley packing to leave, Dilyan on a drinking binge trying to bury that pain I think, Kayla with Kody, and Me still unable to allow myself to break down. That Friday, the week after mom passed, We all went out to Red Oak and did family pictures and had a family dinner at Dilyan's. Something mom wanted so we did it to honor her. Ashley left that night for Ft. Leonardwood.
I think it was like the 3rd, I finally was able to allow myself to break down a little. I just sat and cried and talked to Nathan. Something he was praying for I know! I had been having a bad week. Everything I told my siblings not to do, I was doing. I told them not to think about all the bad things they'd done or said to mom. I was doing that, I was slowly falling into a depression.
On Oct 4th, Kayla, Dilyan and I got together. We took Dilyan to get his leg looked at, turned out he had staff infection. Took him home, then Kayla and I went to visit moms grave. It was nice, I need to do it again soon. That Sunday only Dilyan and I got together for family day. I went and got him and he came down to our house which is back at Nathan's parents and ate and hung out. We thought his staff got worse, so I took him back to the hospital to get checked out. They repacked it, and gave him pain meds. We had a really great night that night, a good bonding for us. I got him his pain meds and dropped him off at home.
The next morning, I wake to him calling. He was at school, said he had to tell me something that he had his break down. He said his teacher would text me cause he was in class. Her and I text for a long time that day. She said he took the whole bottle of hydos and went to school. They had a meeting with the counselor and other school officials, he wanted helped. They started looking for a rehab for him. That afternoon, he decided he wasn't going to rehab.
Then his neighbor text me and said he locked himself in his house. Me being the type of person I am, instantly headed that way. I was so worried the whole drive that I was going to find him dead. Him, Nathan, and I had an intervention that night. I told him I couldn't lose him too, that we had to stick together and he had to get help!
Since then we've had a meeting with the school, his grieve counselor, Him, and Nathan and I. The plan is for him to stay in school at Joplin, graduate, go to MSSU for nursing then move away. I pray he can accomplish those things, because I know he wants it and so does everyone that is with him in this. But so far a week later, he's not showing or putting forth any effort into do so.
With him, I'm learning I can not mommy him. No matter how much I want to just take his hand and lead him the whole way. I can not do that. I have to sit back and let him make his own decisions in life. I have to sit back and just let him do what he's wants, all awhile praying for him to make the best decisions I know he knows how to make. I will continue to update on this matter.
Many Blessings,
T
The days to come would bring Ashley packing to leave, Dilyan on a drinking binge trying to bury that pain I think, Kayla with Kody, and Me still unable to allow myself to break down. That Friday, the week after mom passed, We all went out to Red Oak and did family pictures and had a family dinner at Dilyan's. Something mom wanted so we did it to honor her. Ashley left that night for Ft. Leonardwood.
I think it was like the 3rd, I finally was able to allow myself to break down a little. I just sat and cried and talked to Nathan. Something he was praying for I know! I had been having a bad week. Everything I told my siblings not to do, I was doing. I told them not to think about all the bad things they'd done or said to mom. I was doing that, I was slowly falling into a depression.
On Oct 4th, Kayla, Dilyan and I got together. We took Dilyan to get his leg looked at, turned out he had staff infection. Took him home, then Kayla and I went to visit moms grave. It was nice, I need to do it again soon. That Sunday only Dilyan and I got together for family day. I went and got him and he came down to our house which is back at Nathan's parents and ate and hung out. We thought his staff got worse, so I took him back to the hospital to get checked out. They repacked it, and gave him pain meds. We had a really great night that night, a good bonding for us. I got him his pain meds and dropped him off at home.
The next morning, I wake to him calling. He was at school, said he had to tell me something that he had his break down. He said his teacher would text me cause he was in class. Her and I text for a long time that day. She said he took the whole bottle of hydos and went to school. They had a meeting with the counselor and other school officials, he wanted helped. They started looking for a rehab for him. That afternoon, he decided he wasn't going to rehab.
Then his neighbor text me and said he locked himself in his house. Me being the type of person I am, instantly headed that way. I was so worried the whole drive that I was going to find him dead. Him, Nathan, and I had an intervention that night. I told him I couldn't lose him too, that we had to stick together and he had to get help!
Since then we've had a meeting with the school, his grieve counselor, Him, and Nathan and I. The plan is for him to stay in school at Joplin, graduate, go to MSSU for nursing then move away. I pray he can accomplish those things, because I know he wants it and so does everyone that is with him in this. But so far a week later, he's not showing or putting forth any effort into do so.
With him, I'm learning I can not mommy him. No matter how much I want to just take his hand and lead him the whole way. I can not do that. I have to sit back and let him make his own decisions in life. I have to sit back and just let him do what he's wants, all awhile praying for him to make the best decisions I know he knows how to make. I will continue to update on this matter.
Many Blessings,
T
It's been a while...a LONG while!
Well since it's been almost a year since I've wrote on this blog, I think it's a great time to start this back up.
It's been so long and so much as happened since I've last blogged. So we'll go back to where we left off!
The first couple of months were ok, I left my job at the Y. I was going to start taking care of my mother, but she went back into the hospital not long after she got out of the hospital. So I started watching a couple of kids out of my house. Talk about a chore. LOL
Also in February, I had the opportunity to go down to Texas and meet not only my biological father, but some of his side of the family. All with my amazing husband there by my side like always.
Lets see...around April/May our roomates/friends moved out, and we moved to a smaller house still in Carthage. When we thought we were taking a step forward I think we actually took a step back. We eventually quit going to the business meetings.
Throughout this time my mom was in and out of the hospital. We celebrated our 2 year anniversary. I can't believe it's been 2 years!!
My oldest sister Ashley moved in with us at the end of June. I love my sister, but we were never meant to live with each other. No let me change that statement, I shouldn't live with any of my siblings. I try to mother them too much. LOL
Throughout this time, my babysitting ended, because the lady I was working for closed her restaurant because she was pregnant and due soon. I then got a job working for an in home health place. I instantly fell in love with it, and I was great at it.
After about a month or so working for the company I got to regular clients working Monday-Friday 10am -10pm! Long shift so I was glad to have the weekends with Nathan. I loved the two clients I worked for, they were the sweetest ladies ever!
During this period my mother and I's relationship took a dip down. We got in an argument because she thought I didn't care that she was alone in the nursing home all the time. When really I worked so much it was hard to come see her other than the planned Saturdays. But then every Saturday we were together, we fought. So eventually I just quit going to see her on Saturdays.
In September I got sick, because I worked so much I couldn't go to the dr during the week, so I went to urgent care one Saturday. Turns out I had a really bad UTI. They gave me antibiotics. That Monday I woke up in so much pain, I went to my first clients house. Then had to call in because I just wasn't going to be able to make it all day in this much pain. I went home, and went to sleep. I woke up at 10:30pm, and sent my boss a text saying I wasn't going to be able to work the next day. No answer, when I woke up the next day I had a couple missed calls and a voicemail asking where I was. I tried to call no answer, no answer to my email I sent either. I went to check my schudele and they had taken me off it for the rest of the week! The next day I got a call, not for the owner but her RN saying oh it was a miss understanding, we'd like you to come back in to get re-instated. After consulting with Nathan, I decided I did not want to work for a company like that so I did not take their offer to get re-instated.
In the couple of days starting September my mom got out of Joplin Health and Rehab and got to go home. Her and Dilyan had a house in Joplin that Kayla found them. She was going home with hospice and on roxanol, but she was going home to live out whatever time she had left. On
September 18th, I got a call from my younger sister Kayla. She said Ashely and I needed to come see mom because hospice didn't think she had much time left. That next day Ashley took off work and we went over to see mom. She looked bad, so swollen. Her eyes were empty looking, like she wasn't even there anymore. She couldn't stay awake long to visit us. It was always hard to see her so sick, but seeing her like that was just horrible! Us kids, went in one at a time to tell mom how much we loved her and that if she was ready we excepted that she wanted to go HOME. My aunt Kathy came down from Kansas City to assess the situation to see if my grandparents who aren't in good health needed to make the trip. She said they needed to get down within the weekend because she didnt' think mom had even two weeks. My grandparents were suppose to come in Friday.
When I went in I took her hand, she was so warm and so sowllen. She wasn't awake for most of our converstation. But when she did open her eyes and look at me I only said the one thing I felt I needed clairification on. I looked in her eyes and said "MOM I love you so much, I've always loved you. You know I love you right?" She looked right back at me, smiled and mouthed the word yes! I have to hold on to that because today the devil tries to steal it from me.
Thursday the 20th, I went over to see mom. She was all bright eyed and bushy tailed. A complete 360 from a couple days before when I had seen her. She wanted me to stay with her, but I had to go back and pick up Nathan from his surgery. Before I left she was arguing with Dilyan and I because she wanted to go soak in the tub and we wouldn't let her. Right before I left she held her arm out and moved her hand in a grabbing motion. I said what, she just said "I want to feel your butt!" She always loved everyone else but her own. LOL So I went over and let her touch my butt. That afternoon/evening my aunt Kathy was coming back down to sit and watch mom while Dilyan went out and just hung with friends. He needed a break!
Friday September 21st, not only did one of my clients pass away. But we lost mom too. I couldn't sleep, that morning around 4am, Ashley and I were taking my car to Joplin to the auto shop. One the way I got the call that my client had passed away. I let Ashley know she wouldn't be going to work today. (She worked for her as well.) We went to the nursing home where she went and waited for her daughter to get there to say one last goodbye. We went home and were both going back to bed. To this day, I don't know why I did it but I put my phone on silent. I would always say I never put my phone on silent because something bad could happen and I wouldn't know.
I don't know what time it was, but I woke up because Nathan was being loud. I heard my phone vibrating. It was my Aunt Kathy, I was confused as to why she'd be calling me. I answered it still half asleep and she said "Tina, what's going on, Dilyan said your mom's gone." I remember saying "What?!?" I told her I didn't know what was going on but I would find out and let her know. I called Dilyan, mom had passed away sometime that morning between 6 and 8am. I was trying to get Ashley to wake up and she wouldn't so I had to just yell "Ashley get up, moms dead, she's gone." She jumped up. I feel bad I had to let her know that way.
The drive over, I kept trying to find my emotions but I just felt numb. When we got there Kayla and Dilyan were there Kayla was so heartbroken, Dilyan was in a state of shock I think. Hell to this day, I think he's still in a state of shock. But we all went in to see moms body. I always thought I was prepared for that day, yet I wasn't. I felt an instant shift into anchor mode. I held Kayla a while why she cried. I tried to allow Dilyan to have his break down time, but he was so strong. Ashely is a different type, she just needed to do her. We had to wait for my grandparents to arrive from Kansas City before the body could be moved.
Finally in between 4pm and 5pm the mortuary came and got mom. Kayla, Ashley, and I went over to make the funeral arrangements. Talk about hard things to do as a young adult/kid!! Over the next couple of days we worked on plans for moms funeral. It was going to be Tuesday so we had a lot to do to, I had a lot to do to make sure it was perfect enough for what she deserved. I don't remember much of those days. I know at some point, us kids got together to make picture boards, we tried to go shopping for the perfect outfit for her funeral, Ashley and I got in a fight over music Kayla and I selected. Monday we went and dug the whole mom was going to be buried in. I had such a hard time sleeping that night.
It's been so long and so much as happened since I've last blogged. So we'll go back to where we left off!
The first couple of months were ok, I left my job at the Y. I was going to start taking care of my mother, but she went back into the hospital not long after she got out of the hospital. So I started watching a couple of kids out of my house. Talk about a chore. LOL
Also in February, I had the opportunity to go down to Texas and meet not only my biological father, but some of his side of the family. All with my amazing husband there by my side like always.
Lets see...around April/May our roomates/friends moved out, and we moved to a smaller house still in Carthage. When we thought we were taking a step forward I think we actually took a step back. We eventually quit going to the business meetings.
Throughout this time my mom was in and out of the hospital. We celebrated our 2 year anniversary. I can't believe it's been 2 years!!
My oldest sister Ashley moved in with us at the end of June. I love my sister, but we were never meant to live with each other. No let me change that statement, I shouldn't live with any of my siblings. I try to mother them too much. LOL
Throughout this time, my babysitting ended, because the lady I was working for closed her restaurant because she was pregnant and due soon. I then got a job working for an in home health place. I instantly fell in love with it, and I was great at it.
After about a month or so working for the company I got to regular clients working Monday-Friday 10am -10pm! Long shift so I was glad to have the weekends with Nathan. I loved the two clients I worked for, they were the sweetest ladies ever!
During this period my mother and I's relationship took a dip down. We got in an argument because she thought I didn't care that she was alone in the nursing home all the time. When really I worked so much it was hard to come see her other than the planned Saturdays. But then every Saturday we were together, we fought. So eventually I just quit going to see her on Saturdays.
In September I got sick, because I worked so much I couldn't go to the dr during the week, so I went to urgent care one Saturday. Turns out I had a really bad UTI. They gave me antibiotics. That Monday I woke up in so much pain, I went to my first clients house. Then had to call in because I just wasn't going to be able to make it all day in this much pain. I went home, and went to sleep. I woke up at 10:30pm, and sent my boss a text saying I wasn't going to be able to work the next day. No answer, when I woke up the next day I had a couple missed calls and a voicemail asking where I was. I tried to call no answer, no answer to my email I sent either. I went to check my schudele and they had taken me off it for the rest of the week! The next day I got a call, not for the owner but her RN saying oh it was a miss understanding, we'd like you to come back in to get re-instated. After consulting with Nathan, I decided I did not want to work for a company like that so I did not take their offer to get re-instated.
In the couple of days starting September my mom got out of Joplin Health and Rehab and got to go home. Her and Dilyan had a house in Joplin that Kayla found them. She was going home with hospice and on roxanol, but she was going home to live out whatever time she had left. On
September 18th, I got a call from my younger sister Kayla. She said Ashely and I needed to come see mom because hospice didn't think she had much time left. That next day Ashley took off work and we went over to see mom. She looked bad, so swollen. Her eyes were empty looking, like she wasn't even there anymore. She couldn't stay awake long to visit us. It was always hard to see her so sick, but seeing her like that was just horrible! Us kids, went in one at a time to tell mom how much we loved her and that if she was ready we excepted that she wanted to go HOME. My aunt Kathy came down from Kansas City to assess the situation to see if my grandparents who aren't in good health needed to make the trip. She said they needed to get down within the weekend because she didnt' think mom had even two weeks. My grandparents were suppose to come in Friday.
When I went in I took her hand, she was so warm and so sowllen. She wasn't awake for most of our converstation. But when she did open her eyes and look at me I only said the one thing I felt I needed clairification on. I looked in her eyes and said "MOM I love you so much, I've always loved you. You know I love you right?" She looked right back at me, smiled and mouthed the word yes! I have to hold on to that because today the devil tries to steal it from me.
Thursday the 20th, I went over to see mom. She was all bright eyed and bushy tailed. A complete 360 from a couple days before when I had seen her. She wanted me to stay with her, but I had to go back and pick up Nathan from his surgery. Before I left she was arguing with Dilyan and I because she wanted to go soak in the tub and we wouldn't let her. Right before I left she held her arm out and moved her hand in a grabbing motion. I said what, she just said "I want to feel your butt!" She always loved everyone else but her own. LOL So I went over and let her touch my butt. That afternoon/evening my aunt Kathy was coming back down to sit and watch mom while Dilyan went out and just hung with friends. He needed a break!
Friday September 21st, not only did one of my clients pass away. But we lost mom too. I couldn't sleep, that morning around 4am, Ashley and I were taking my car to Joplin to the auto shop. One the way I got the call that my client had passed away. I let Ashley know she wouldn't be going to work today. (She worked for her as well.) We went to the nursing home where she went and waited for her daughter to get there to say one last goodbye. We went home and were both going back to bed. To this day, I don't know why I did it but I put my phone on silent. I would always say I never put my phone on silent because something bad could happen and I wouldn't know.
I don't know what time it was, but I woke up because Nathan was being loud. I heard my phone vibrating. It was my Aunt Kathy, I was confused as to why she'd be calling me. I answered it still half asleep and she said "Tina, what's going on, Dilyan said your mom's gone." I remember saying "What?!?" I told her I didn't know what was going on but I would find out and let her know. I called Dilyan, mom had passed away sometime that morning between 6 and 8am. I was trying to get Ashley to wake up and she wouldn't so I had to just yell "Ashley get up, moms dead, she's gone." She jumped up. I feel bad I had to let her know that way.
The drive over, I kept trying to find my emotions but I just felt numb. When we got there Kayla and Dilyan were there Kayla was so heartbroken, Dilyan was in a state of shock I think. Hell to this day, I think he's still in a state of shock. But we all went in to see moms body. I always thought I was prepared for that day, yet I wasn't. I felt an instant shift into anchor mode. I held Kayla a while why she cried. I tried to allow Dilyan to have his break down time, but he was so strong. Ashely is a different type, she just needed to do her. We had to wait for my grandparents to arrive from Kansas City before the body could be moved.
Finally in between 4pm and 5pm the mortuary came and got mom. Kayla, Ashley, and I went over to make the funeral arrangements. Talk about hard things to do as a young adult/kid!! Over the next couple of days we worked on plans for moms funeral. It was going to be Tuesday so we had a lot to do to, I had a lot to do to make sure it was perfect enough for what she deserved. I don't remember much of those days. I know at some point, us kids got together to make picture boards, we tried to go shopping for the perfect outfit for her funeral, Ashley and I got in a fight over music Kayla and I selected. Monday we went and dug the whole mom was going to be buried in. I had such a hard time sleeping that night.
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